When should you give up on your marriage and say: I WILL DIVORCE?
Deciding to give up on your marriage is not an easy one, but an old wise saying goes: “Better a good divorce than a bad marriage!”
There is some truth in that earlier marriages lasted longer no matter how unhappy the spouses were. Today, women no longer feel they have to persevere in a marriage if they are not satisfied and will not settle for a little intimacy or just occasional respect. Divorce is no longer a specter, and being married for fifty years, is no longer something to be proud of if the marriage was not beautiful.
Friends and relatives, as well as most marriage therapists, somehow try to help save the marriage as a rule. If no one is beating and not cheating anyone if they are “just” unhappy together, they will generally get advice to try harder, but not the one to leave. There are also words: “It is easy turning your back and leaving, you should fight for marriage instead. “
People face all these arguments and hesitate to make a final decision. Most people feel trapped, do not see leaving as a solution, choose the line of least resistance, and stay in an unhappy marriage forever, hoping that someday something will change. By doing so, they deny themselves the opportunity to be happy alone or with someone else.
Among the most common reasons for divorce are infidelity and financial problems, but there are dozens of other expected and less expected reasons that couples cite as reasons for breaking up or divorcing.
And while every problem in a marriage, of course, does not have to be the reason for its dissolution, it is good to pay attention to some things, that is, not to ignore them.
The decision to divorce doesn't make overnight. Try to solve every problem together first, and if after everything you still don’t notice an improvement — divorce may be a good decision because no one should spend their life in an unhappy marriage.
There are 10 reasons you should potentially consider divorce:
1. You avoid sex
It is normal for marriage to become less and less tied to physical contact over time. Although sex is an essential part of marriage, intimacy is much more than just sex.
However, this does not mean that he should completely disappear from the marriage or that it is good that he is not there. Sex is also one of the ways we show the other person that we care all the time. If it disappears, it is quite possible that at least one party in the relationship will feel rejected, and this can ultimately lead to a decline in the quality of the relationship. After an even longer time, the feeling of being unloved and unappreciated can increase. So, the permanent absence of sex in a marriage is not something you should ignore. Talk about this topic before it’s too late.
2. You don’t communicate
Poor communication or a lack of communication can be a sign that a marriage is in deep trouble. Sometimes, due to numerous obligations and stress, people make assumptions without taking into account what the other party thinks and feels. However, this can be very dangerous for a relationship.
At some point, a lot of anger and frustration can become part of a marriage just because you didn’t communicate on time. Although it may sound silly to you, you need to take the time to talk and get a real insight into what really is going on without (wrong) guesswork.
3. The other party has a hobby that he spends his free time on
A situation in which the other party has discovered a hobby that he spends every free moment on, which is why you are rarely or never together, can also be a sign that the other party is running away from you. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s a good idea to talk about what’s going on.
4. You are physically present but emotionally absent
If you and your husband are physically present in your home but emotionally absent (for example, you don’t touch when you talk, you sit next to each other but spend time on the phone, there is no affection even though you are in the same photo) this can also be a sign that the marriage is failing. If you don’t want the end, you’re going to have to wake up and work on some things.
5. You don’t spend quality time together
When was the last time you went to the cinema, to dinner, for a walk? When have you planned a day just for yourself? If things like this have completely disappeared from your relationship, talking about divorce at some point shouldn’t surprise you. It is important for the couple to have time for themselves, to have fun and enjoy together, and not just be beside each other.
6. Lack of compatibility
On the wedding day, we say the fateful yes to the person with whom we want to spend the rest of our lives. We’re doing this because everything clicked. However, because we are in love, we know to ignore certain differences that can turn into a big problem later in life.
Besides, people grow up and change, take on new challenges, have new interests and habits, career changes happen, and children arrive. Changes in political and religious views are also possible. Both spouses rarely remain exactly the same as on their wedding day.
Change is inevitable, change is necessary and very often it is healthy. However, change sometimes affects relationships. While in many marriages the change will be seen as something healthy, for some the changes are still too much of a challenge, and the resulting lack of compatibility can turn into a reason for nagging.
7. You are in constant fear of getting hurt
If you have stopped sharing certain thoughts, events, or feelings with your partner because you are afraid that you might come out hurt, it is a sign that there are problems in your marriage. Happy couples will discuss such topics no matter what. So think carefully about why you don’t want to talk to the other party and try to solve the problem.
8. You never argue
Believe it or not, in marriage, you should argue. Silence or argument avoidance are harmful to a relationship. When you don’t fight anymore, it means that something is missing in the relationship. Although not every quarrel is productive, it is healthy to be able to resolve your problems in a way that is beneficial to the marriage.
If the reason for your quarrel is infidelity, it is unlikely that heightened emotions and an angry and bitter exchange of words are the cure for your problem. Marriage fraud destroys trust, destroys self-confidence, but in some rare situations, a marriage can be saved even after something so terrible has happened.
9. You have a constant desire to provoke the other party
On the other hand, it’s also not good if you constantly test the other party’s patience. Constant provocation means that subconsciously you may want to end everything, but you are afraid to take a concrete step, so by provocation, you are trying to get your spouse to the stage where he will do it.
10. Love is gone
This is not a conclusion that is easily reached. Although love is not always the most important thing, it is necessary for a happy marriage.
If you have decided that there is no more love between you and your spouse, divorce may not be a bad idea.
No one deserves to live in a marriage that does not make them happy at all but has turned into a source of anxiety and/or sadness.
